if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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