You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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