We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
