I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
