Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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