She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
