it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
