Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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