Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
