no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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