Non-Jews are for practice
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The cops high fived after they tackled you
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
