cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Everclear isn't food dammit
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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