you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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