I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
