my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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