Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
