Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I touched a dick in church today
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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