If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
