Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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