I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
