I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
