Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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