plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
