she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
