She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
