I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
