Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize