ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
