shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
