I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
bring money and cleavage
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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