Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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