I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
