I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize