my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
