I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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