don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
