I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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