I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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