No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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