if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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