Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
