just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
