Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
