Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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