yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
