I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
