This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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