You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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