Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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