If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
