i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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