so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
