Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
