I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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