Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
