Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
