Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
