I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
