I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
