You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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