after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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