he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize