I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
