Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
