i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
