she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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