dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
