so that wasnt chicken after all
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
