Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did I show you my penis last night?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
