So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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