twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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