That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
