lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
