Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
