Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
