Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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