we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
