what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
well you can't waste a boner
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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