What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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